Archive for the job hunting Category

On job searching and hope

Posted in anxiety, anxiety disorder, depression, job hunting, mental health, mental illness with tags , , , on July 1, 2013 by Trace

Hello there, folks. Long time no talk.

I wish I could say the radio silence was for all good things. Instead, I’ve mostly been mentally exhausted and depressed by putting myself into looking for work. It’s bad enough when you’re someone without a mental disorder and not finding what you want, but when you have one?

Yeah, it’s been a bit like I’ve been constantly beaten down.

009-depressed

I admit it, my resume isn’t the best. I got my anxiety and depression diagnosis late in life (18) and didn’t properly have it under control for most of my college life. I had to take a semester off at one point, but that’s a story for another time. During school, I did have one solid job, but once I was out of school, I was set adrift. That led to anxiety and depression part two, in which I stayed out of work for way too long. Now I have a resume that’s pretty terrible and lacking much since 2011, which is the first thing people see.

How do you explain you’ll be a hard worker when you literally have proof on paper you did nothing but wallow in misery for years? I’ve started to get better at lying my ass off and saying things I’ve been doing when I haven’t been doing much at all except piecing my life together.

It’s rough. It’s rough but I keep going, because eventually I’ll get hired somewhere. Still, I find myself constantly jealous of people who sort of fell into their lives, because at 27, I still don’t know what I want to do or if I can even do it. It’s a little hard to sell yourself to companies when you’re even hard on yourself for not having things together.

People say you are your own worst enemy. This is probably more true than I ever want to admit. I have let myself pass up opportunities when I was at my worst, and it’s biting me in the butt. I think I fell into this moping cycle again, and I starting fighting back yesterday. Cleaned my room properly in the first time in forever. Wrote this post this morning and actually felt like writing this post, instead of feeling like I had to force these words to come out of me.

Positive steps. That’s what I need now more than ever.

I’m looking into volunteer opportunities this morning, because I’ve recognized I’m not doing well the longer I don’t go out and do something productive. I think that’s the first thing I can tell anyone dealing with this – don’t stay inside. Even if you’re getting nos, even if it feels like everything is at its’ worst, find something fufilling to do, even if it’s not paid. I hope to get back into blogging more, too, because this is a nice outlet. It’s nice to be able to write these things down and release them instead of letting them bottle up and explode on me.

Maybe I’ll even have good news to share soon.

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